N Is For Near
by NilaSagol
Summary: Near thought he could move from L's death until he begins to remember the relationship he had with him. He didn't think he would have a breakdown. NearxL YAOI


**Hi. This is a one-shot about Near after the death of L, I plan to make a sequel too if I can after this story. I did want to make chapters for this story but I had orginally planned for this story to be a one-shot. Anyway enjoy the story.****

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**Disclamier- I don't own any of the Death Note characters.**

**_"N" Is For Near_**

**Chapter 1- "I Can't Live Without You"**

Mello was pissed. No, he was jealous of Near, he was always jealous. He almost hated Near because he was soooo perfect, Mello wasn't as perfect as he was. Near thought nothing of it, it just began to get annoying how Mello would go on and on about it.

He laid on a pillow in his room, he thought L was a loser in the game of Kira but it was more than that with the quiet genius and the sweet loving genius.

_'You know how you felt about him'_ Near thought to himself, _'You were in love with him'_

Near growled, imperfection. That was one flaw with him that not even Mello knew. He didn't make it obvious about their long term relationship. L and him kept it as a secret. Something they would do behind closed doors.

Near had more fear that Mello would get wise and crush him for being with L. He would probably think it was a way to win his way to the top of being the second L, but what did Near find in Mello's drawers? A picture of Matt and him making out? Mello went into denial that Matt and him were ever involved romantically.

Near wondered why Mello over dramatized Matt's death, after everyone else accepted that he had died.

Near rolled a die across the bed and did it again. No use, it was no fun without L. L would play checkers, chess, building blocks, and whatever other games Near would want to play. Now he was dead. Dead. Kira's long awaited desire for riddance. Playtime was over.

_'I thought when you died, you were a loser in the game but...'_ Near winced his eyes, tears. _'Damn, I loved you! You were it!'_

Near grabbed the sweets and cried. He had never cried this way before, he was emotionless and cold. One who liked to keep his feelings within him hidden. Now it was obvious, why did L leave? Why didn't he get spared? 25 years of life, gone. L could've done so much for the world.

It was too late, he was gone.

Near sniffled, he was feeling it. His heart begged to be with L, his soul even his spirit cried out. Hiding it made it worse, he loved him. His love ached.

He continued to cry as he remembered the first time L had kissed him.

**_Flashback_**

_Near was doing the usual, playing with toy airplanes and building with cards. He was aiming to build the Eifle Tower of France. He had worked for almost a week on the structure and he would soon need a second pack of cards._

_It was almost perfect as L admired his work, he had liked the things Near could create with ordinary objects._

_"...You really surprise me, Near." he replied as Near perked up, "...You've worked really hard..."_

_Near smiled shyly, L always knew what to say. He was proud of his work as he stood back and admired it._

_"Do you really think it's great?" Near asked, "...It didn't come out the way I thought it would."_

_L laughed quietly, "You obviously have a talent to go along with you intelligence..."_

_Near blushed further, as he bit his lip. "...You always say the right things..."_

_L put his arm around him, Near was lighting up like a Christmas tree. Just being in L's presence or seeing him just took him to another world. He cuddled closer to L as he looked up at him innocently._

_L grinned, "I'm surprised we've kept quiet this long..."_

_"It's not secret that Matt and Mello were the same..."_

_"Hmm, you are my sneaky prodigy..." he replied as he cuddled with his lover.\_

_L leaned closer to Near as they kissed each other, the rush Near would get when L did this would excite him. Near began to lead L as they fell on Near's bed and went through each other's hair. The two lovers rolled on the bed as L kissed Near's neck._

_The time was short as L broke away and smiled and ruffled Near's hair. He was so cute to L, L grabbed a bunch a grapes and spoiled Near by dropping them into his mouth._

_Near loved all the attention L would give him._

_Near began to play with his hair, "L...checkers or chess?"_

_L grinned, "Whatever one you want, quiet genius."_

_Near blushed further as L slipped his tongue around his and they began to kiss passionately until the door began to jiggle. Near broke away as he quickly fixed his bed and his toys, Mello was on the other side._

_L sat in a chair, "Remember be normal, keep our secret safe."_

_Near smiled, "I already told you, Mello is the same as the both of us."_

_L sighed amusingly. "You know how he gets, just keep it yourself."_

_Near nodded as he went to play with his trainset. L had bought for him for Christmas, he would always treasure it closely to his heart. It was his top favorite out of all the other things he would play with. _

_Mello busted the door open. He saw the two lovers reading and playing. Mello blinked twice, too perferct. How could it be so perfect? Mello was sure he heard Near and L being off topic about the Kira case._

_Mello sat on the bed, "What were you two doing? I think something was going on..."_

_Near glared, "Nothing happened, Mello. L and I were discussing Kira, that was it."_

_Mello snapped his choclate, "Oh...Well, I'm still not convinced that was really happening..."_

_Near lost his temper and pushed Mello out of the room, "Out! You're disturbing us!"_

_Mello walked out and decided to watch television. Near sighed in frustration, how dare he inturrupt L and him. Near hated to get interuppted when he would get hot with L. He jumped on the bed as L waited for him._

_L had a plate with cake and two forks, he loved to spoil Near whenever he had the chance. L dug into the first piece as he put in Near's mouth, Near dug into the second piece and put the savoring carmel and choclate cake into L's mouth. They both laughed._

_"Near? Do you think we can last?" asked L, he grabbed Near's hand._

_"...Maybe, we have to see first." Near laughed playfully as he tugged L's bangs, "Just watch us closely..."_

_Near had no idea that as they laughed that next 2 weeks would bring them apart. It would be the enf as the two cuddled with each other not worrying about anything._

_**X X X**_

_Near sat there, he thought the screen was lying, "L, is dead..."_

_**'It's all a lie...'** Near curled up tighter, **'This couldn't happen...'**_

_Near sighed, "He is the loser in the game, L lost his life meaning he lost all his chess pieces..."_

_Near sighed, it was obvious. L lost all the pieces, he lost a long chess match against Kira. Kira won another game when L thought he would lose._

_**'He said that Mello and I need to choose a second L...'**_

_Near hung his head, this hurt way worse than he thought it was going to. He returned to his cold, emotionless ways. He was going into denial that L was truly dead, he still thought he would come to take him out to dinner._

_'**Stop it! That's childish, he's gone Near. He can't come back!' **_

_Near sighed mournfully, what was he going to do now? L was so close but was struck by Kira and he was gone forever..._

_**End of Flashback**_

Near sobbed into the sheets, it hurt so much. He never knew depression could hurt so much, without L he just couldn't function. He tried so hard to move on without him. How could he do it?

_'It's usless...I hate carefully but Kira I can't even forgive...'_ Near's eyes walked with tears.

Near walked out of the room and stole Mello's gun, he had become so depressed that he was suicidal. He was done with life. He locked the door and put the gun to his head, with a slight pull of the trigger her could end his life.

He slowly tugged at the trigger as he let go, he was still crying._ 'Damn it! Pull the gun, you don't want to live anymore!'_

He pulled the trigger all the way, his final thought was his pain as he cried even more. The gun went off.

Near opened his eyes, it was a blank. He dropped the gun as he began to shake and cry out. Mello walked past the room but didn't bother to check on Near. He had other things to do.

Near looked at himself in the mirror, He had never had thought to kill himself before. He almost could have if the gun was loaded but Mello didn't load the gun.

Near fell on the floor as he continued to sob. He grabbed a picture of L and held it close to his heart, treasuring his beloved relationship with the quirky detective.

Near still realized something. He loved L. It would always be that way no matter what happened.

The sun began to set as Near stared at the cake on the dresser. He only wish L was here to enjoy it with him.

If only L was still here but he wouldn't be enjoying this piece of cake. Near stared at the cake for a long time, he couldn't eat it.

He fell back in bed as tears stained the sheets. Kira was cruel, now he couldn't replace the love in his heart.

_The End_


End file.
